Chemstories – a podcast about PnP/chemsex (English-language edition)
Chemstories is a podcast series created by gay, bisexual, queer men, trans, and non-binary people to share their experiences with chemsex (also known as PnP). Developed over a year with an editorial board of individuals with lived experience, it features group discussions hosted by community members in Toronto, Montreal, and Halifax. The podcast explores why it matters for those with firsthand experience to tell their own stories, challenging stigma and silence. It aims to create space for authentic community voices to speak for themselves.
Episodes
01. YYZ Prelude — Why It's Important, Toronto
In this prelude to the Toronto series, Principal Investigator Olivier Ferlatte introduces Toronto host Bradley and a diverse group of guests—Brian, Jordan, Matthew, Reid, Christoph, Edwin, and Tyler. Together, they explore the central question of this podcast series: Why is it important for people with lived experience of PnP/chemsex to tell their own stories in their own words? The conversation h
02. YYZ Sagacity-Pt. 1 — Hey Bradley
Investigator Olivier introduces Toronto host Bradley to unpack the complexities surrounding PnP/chemsex. Moving beyond medical or criminal definitions, they discuss the necessity of centering lived experience to challenge deep-seated stigmas. Bradley shares his personal journey and graduate research on "slam sex," reframing it as a site of community care rather than just risk. Together, they chall
03. YYZ Sagacity-Pt. 2 — Party People
Investigator Olivier and Bradley explore the specific nuances of Toronto’s party community. They discuss the city's unique activism, the politics of harm reduction, and the definition of community itself as the ultimate resource. Bradley reflects on the courage required to share personal stories in a stigmatized world, emphasizing how authentic narratives foster empathy and challenge the dominant
04. YYZ Balance-Pt. 1 — Hey Brian
Toronto host Bradley introduces Brian, who is celebrating his one-year anniversary of sobriety from crystal meth. Their conversation explores the complex intersection of sex and addiction, the challenges of seeking help, and the vital role of community in recovery. Brian shares personal insights on finding balance and the importance of peer support. This episode offers a candid look at the resilie
05. YYZ Balance-Pt. 2 — Doggie Style
Toronto host Bradley resumes his conversation with Brian. The discussion centers on the grounding power of pets, revealing how Brian’s dog remained a vital link to humanity and a "non-negotiable boundary" during active use. Brian opens up about his personal approach to harm reduction—"divorcing Tina" while navigating other choices—and the necessity of radical honesty. The episode underscores the r
06: YYZ Insight-Pt. 1 — Hey Jordan
Toronto host Bradley introduces Jordan to redefine chemsex not just as substance use, but as a distinct culture. They decode the community's shared language—like "Capital T" and "Mild 2 Wild"—and challenge the narrative that "sober sex" is inherently more authentic. Jordan shares his personal history of using substances to navigate social anxiety, offering a nuanced perspective on harm reduction t
07. YYZ Insight-Pt. 2 — Queer Kin & Kicks
Toronto host Bradley and Jordan explore the vital "duty of care" within queer communities. Jordan shares how he found brotherhood in the party scene, often stepping in to support friends where state systems fail. They discuss the political dimensions of drug use, the distinction between fitting in and true belonging, and the professional challenge of resisting the "model drug user" trope. This epi
08. YYZ Wisdom-Pt. 1 — Hey Matthew & Reid
Toronto host Bradley introduces Matthew and Reid, two "experienced flyers" who defy typical labels. Matthew, a grad student researching prisoner poetry, shares his history of living "on the skip"—navigating homelessness while managing undiagnosed mental health struggles. Reid offers a contrasting perspective, discussing his entry into the scene in his late 50s and the distinction between isolated
09. YYZ Wisdom-Pt. 2 — Being Inside
The discussion shifts to the collision between chemsex and the criminal justice system. Reid recounts a harrowing false accusation of unlawful confinement that led to a terrifying detainment and a "negotiation with the universe" to quit meth.
Meanwhile, Matthew shares the stark reality of spending 383 days in prison following an HIV non-disclosure charge. The episode examines the lasting trauma
10. YYZ Wisdom-Pt. 3 — You=You
Matthew and Reid challenge traditional labels, with Matthew rejecting the term "addict" and framing his past use as a closed chapter. Reid explores how the U=U revolution (Undetectable = Untransmittable) reshaped his belonging, moving him beyond the "poz-only" safety of online groups. The conversation candidly examines the difficulty of loving an active user while maintaining one's own stability,
Bonus. YYZ Wisdom-Pt. 4 — Velvet Mourning
In this bonus leg of the Wisdom flight, the conversation turns to the "velvet mourning" of widowhood. Matthew discusses the tragic loss of his partner to an overdose, while Reid recounts the isolation of grieving a partner of nine years who had never come out to his family—resulting in the erasure of their relationship at the funeral. The discussion explores navigating cumulative grief, from the A
11. YYZ Integrity-Pt. 1 — Hey Christoph, Edwin, & Tyler
Toronto host Bradley welcomes Christoph, Edwin, and Tyler—who together boast a combined 122 years of lived experience with drugs. They unpack the local lexicon, debating the clinical term "chemsex" versus the community-preferred "party," and discuss the subtle ways ("the look") they recognize other community members. The group reflects on diverse origin stories—from liberating first experiences in
12. YYZ Integrity-Pt. 2 — The High Life
The conversation dives deep into the hierarchies and double standards within the party community—specifically the stigma surrounding "slamming" (injecting) versus smoking or snorting. Edwin introduces the concept of the "street nurse" or "admin"—a role he plays to ensure safety and aftercare for others—while the group debates the ethics of intervening when a fellow partier is struggling. They also
13. YYZ Integrity-Pt. 3 — From Stigma to G-mance
The group redefines stigma as active oppression that creates borders within the community. They discuss the vital necessity of friendships to combat isolation, highlighting the importance of a non-judgmental "voice of reason."
The group also explores the phenomenon of "G-mance," debating whether the intense affection felt while high is authentic or merely a chemical illusion. Ultimately, the epi
14. YUL Prelude — Why It’s important, Montreal
The inaugural YUL Montreal episode centers on the central question of this podcast series: Why is it important for people with lived experience of PnP/chemsex to tell their own stories in their own words? Principal investigator Olivier Ferlatte poses this to host Éric, who then gathers reflections from guests Hugues, Jean-Sébastien, Mikiki, Gabriel, Michael, and Ally.
Together, they illustrate why
15. YUL Solidarity-Pt.1 — Hey Eric
Olivier introduces Éric, a playwright and community advocate prominent in Montreal’s chemsex scene. Éric explains how his play, “Ces regards amoureux de garçons altérés”, captures the raw intensity of a 72-hour sauna session. Writing while active allowed him to portray the experience's complexity—not just the struggle, but the pleasure and the search for connection.
Éric also reflects on his decad
16. YUL Solidarity-Pt.2 — Montreal PnP Community
Éric and Olivier discuss Montreal's unique party landscape, where "progressive" vibes and 24/7 bathhouses foster an openness to substance use. Éric critiques the city’s fragile support systems, highlighting a reliance on short-term funding rather than a permanent strategy for long-term recovery.
Looking ahead, Éric previews upcoming panels on art and advocacy while candidly discussing the difficu
17. YUL Creativity-Pt. 1 — Hey Gabriel
Montreal host Éric introduces Gabriel, a fashion designer who transforms trauma into cathartic art. They discuss his graduate collection, "SØRRY MØM," which uses a flood metaphor to depict recovery from crystal meth. The designs progress from dark, suffocating silhouettes representing the "deep end" to lighter tones symbolizing the imperfect nature of healing.
They also explore "HONEYCUM," which
18. YUL Creativity-Pt. 2 — Hey Mikiki
Montreal host Éric introduces performance artist Mikiki, whose journey from "baby anarchist" to queer health activist informs their provocative work. Mikiki discusses video as an anti-market medium for activism and how complex PTSD led them to prioritize art over traditional employment.
They explore Mikiki’s video "Red Flags: A Love Letter," which reframes injection drug use through a neutral or
19. YUL Creativity-Pt. 3 — The Trauma Llama
Éric, Gabriel, and Mikiki explore the tension between suffering and pleasure in chemsex, challenging the narrative that addiction stems solely from pain. They reflect on how substance use initially served as an "antidote" to perfectionism and trauma before spiraling into shame and isolation.
The group discusses art's role in processing these experiences; Gabriel shares how his "DEAR VICKY" collec
20. YUL Creativity-Pt. 4 — Body-ody-ody!
Éric, Gabriel, and Mikiki explore the body’s role in addiction and recovery. Éric shares how traditional 12-step programs failed him until he embraced drug use as a somatic experience rather than just a mental one. This shift transformed his creative process, allowing him to write from bodily intuition and move beyond past darkness.
The group also discusses sexual intimacy after chemsex, critiqui
21. YUL Heritage-Pt. 1 — Hey Hugues & Jean-Sébastien
Montreal Host Éric introduces Hugues and Jean-Sébastien to discuss the intersections of queer history, community, sex and substance use. Hugues, a researcher of queer spaces, shares his experience in PnP culture viewed through a lens of strict moderation. Jean-Sébastien, founder of "Ça prend un village," discusses his transition from addiction to recovery advocacy, highlighting the power of real s
22. YUL Heritage-Pt. 2 — Party Politics
Éric, Hugues, and Jean-Sébastien explore the evolution of queer spaces—from clandestine origins to modern venues centered on sensuality or sobriety. They discuss a post-COVID shift toward more diverse ways to meet and connect.
The group delves into how sex functions as a tool for validation, often using substances to navigate the vulnerability of intimacy. Hugues frames queer joy as political res
23. YUL Heritage-Pt. 3 — I Rise, We Rise
Éric, Hugues, and Jean-Sébastien discuss the community response to chemsex. Jean-Sébastien critiques treating addiction as a personal failure, advocating for a collective, skilled approach instead. They highlight gaps in healthcare systems not designed for queer lives and the need for non-judgmental spaces where people can truly be heard.
Looking ahead, Hugues calls for sustainable solutions that
24. YUL Plurality-Pt. 1 — Hey Ally & Michael
Montréal Host Éric introduces Ally and Michael to center gender-diverse voices in the chemsex conversation. Éric connects his drug use to his non-binary identity, discussing how gender dysphoria and a lack of affirming care can make substances a survival mechanism. Michael explains using chemsex to cope with transition-related isolation and to disconnect from bodily anxiety.
Ally shares their jo
25. YUL Plurality-Pt. 2 — Gender Play
Éric, Ally, and Michael examine performative gender pressures. Éric used chemsex to escape hyper-masculinity while briefly embodying its "super version." Ally similarly built a masculine persona for acceptance but eventually used these experiences to peel back those layers and reject external validation.
The group also discusses how identity impacts relationships. Michael highlights the difficult
26. YUL Plurality-Pt. 3 — Unapologetically
Éric, Ally, and Michael address the lack of support and visibility for gender-diverse individuals in the chemsex scene. Éric emphasizes that amplifying these rare voices is essential to breaking isolation for those who feel unseen.
The group also critiques alienating, abstinence-only recovery models, instead celebrating the emergence of inclusive harm-reduction alternatives. They conclude by advo
27. YHZ Prelude — Why It's Important, Halifax
In this prelude to the YHZ Halifax series, this episode centers on the central question of this podcast series: Why is it important for people with lived experience of PnP/chemsex to tell their own stories in their own words?
First, Olivier Ferlatte, the principal investigator of Chemstories, asks the question to Halifax Host Andrew who emphasizes that lived experience is a powerful tool for empa
28. YHZ Activism — Hey Andrew
In the inaugural episode of the YHZ Halifax flights, Investigator Olivier introduces local host Andrew, whose personal journey from daily chemsex use to becoming a key advocate in Nova Scotia shapes the conversation. He candidly addresses the "internalized homophobia" often found in more rural or industrial areas of the East Coast, which can drive chemsex further underground. He discusses a desire
29. YHZ Resilience-Pt. 1 — Hey Steven & James
Halifax host Andrew opens a challenging yet necessary conversation with guests Steven and James, focusing on the intersection of chemsex, consent, and sexual trauma.
Steven, five years into recovery, shares how early experiences of sexual abuse created a "gateway" not just to substance use, but to a pattern of seeking out sexual encounters as a way to regain a sense of control. He describes how s
30. YHZ Resilience-Pt. 2 — Giving Grace
In this second chapter of the YHZ Resilience flight, Halifax host Andrew guides Steven and James through a raw discussion on the complex intersection of trauma, shame, and recovery.
James opens up about how a strict religious upbringing led him to repress childhood abuse, and later, how chemsex became a way to enact a self-fulfilling prophecy of being "reduced to just a sex object". Steven explai
31. YHZ Maturity-Pt. 1 — Hey Harry & Hector
Halifax host Andrew introduces Harry and Hector, two older participants whose experiences challenge the typical narrative of youth and recklessness often associated with chemsex.
Hector, who began using drugs in his mid-50s after retiring, candidly discusses the unexpected slide from isolation to regular use. Harry, with a 20-year history of use, reflects on the "allure" of crystal meth—a "powerfu
32. YHZ Maturity-Pt. 2 — I Know What I Am
In this second and last segment of the YHZ Maturity flight, Halifax host Andrew concludes his conversation with Harry and Hector, focusing on the intersection of aging, HIV, and chemsex.
The guests discuss how living with HIV has evolved, with U=U (Undetectable = Untransmittable) and PrEP fundamentally changing the landscape of sexual health and intimacy. However, they note a lingering disconnect
